Backtracking

Starting out, I realized that I had become an even Fatter Mama.  I hated to look at myself in the mirror, and I hated buying clothes.  I was getting to the point where I was starting to hate going out in public anywhere.  And, as much as I love my family and get-togethers, I was always worried about them.  I was always afraid that I would be captured permanently on film.  

Even more .. I hated going to the doctor's office and having to step on the scale.  Although, there was always one doll of a nurse .. Stacey, that always subtracted weight for my clothes and shoes.  I don't know if she realized that small bit of a difference did make me feel a little better.  My cardiologist made a reference to people of size, and I simply wasn't sure how to take it.  Afterwards, I did the fat and jolly thing and laughed about it.

Going back a few more years .. my doctor had discovered that I had nodules in my thyroid, as well as, a goiter.  After having the cancerous nodules removed (only one side of my thyroid), I was put on levothyroxin (generic of synthroid) to bring my thyroid levels to a normal point.  Ah - every fat person's dream.  To be able to say, "I'm overweight because of my thyroid."  Well, guess what?  It didn't make any difference.  I thought that all this weight was just going to start disappearing, but it didn't. Ugh!!

Once I realized that the weight was not going to simply drip off of my body, I decided that I was going to diet sensibly.  I started out with a 1,500 calorie a day diet, but nothing happened for weeks.  Not even a single pound.  Then I cut down to 1,200 calories a day.  Guess what?  Still nothing!  The scale wouldn't move one bit.  I ended up in the hospital again, but this time, because of a cardiac arrhythmia.  During my stay, I paid attention to what they were feeding me.  I realized that I could cut back to 1,000 calories a day.  I did all of this over a 5 month period.  After a follow-up visit with my cardiologist, he suggested that I cut down to 500 - 750 calories a day, because "I might be one of those people that just couldn't eat a normal amount of calories."  I did that for 3 straight weeks and lost nothing.  Finally, I went a week without eating any solid food, and still lost nothing.  I threw in the towel....

I'm looking back to May of 2013.  My doctor recommended that I see a gastric specialist because she thought that I might benefit from gastric bypass. 

I might have considered surgery, had I not run into an old friend (one that was unrecognizable because she was so thin and gorgeous looking). Unfortunately, her skin also had a grey tinge and she didn't have a healthy glow to match that healthy looking body.  She later confided that if I decided to have the surgery, to be really careful about eating more than a bite or two of food because I would start frothing at the mouth.  NOPE!  Not for me.  I do not say this to discourage anyone that might be in need of surgery, especially from a medical standpoint, but it was simply not for me. 

I have my husband.  I have children and grandchildren, and the hope of more grandchildren and great-grandchildren in the future.  I have siblings, my aging mother, and friends.  I don't want to die because of being fat.  I don't want my health to deteriorate because I wasn't willing to try.  I can't give up...I can't give up...I can't...I can't.........

Long Time, No Blog

After finally deciding that I wanted to start blogging, I went to blogger.com to check things out.  I was shocked to discover that I had already started a blog but neglected to publish anything.  I intend to amend this situation immediately.  Look for more!